


Naked Attraction

by julie_slamdrews



Category: Harlots (TV)
Genre: Gen, Nudity, crackfic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-03-12
Updated: 2021-03-12
Packaged: 2021-03-20 07:35:33
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 568
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/30001491
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/julie_slamdrews/pseuds/julie_slamdrews
Summary: The Harlots characters watch Naked Attraction. That's it, that's the fic.
Comments: 5
Kudos: 3





	Naked Attraction

**Author's Note:**

> A lot of the idea for this came from CynicalRainbows, and then I told neuroharlot I was thinking of writing it and she was so excited that I felt obliged to follow through. 
> 
> I also feel obliged to inform you all that I wrote this entirely sober and spent much of the writing process cringing at my own descriptions of the male anatomy. You're welcome?

The television glowed in the corner, casting a pale light over the otherwise darkened room. In her armchair, Mrs Scanwell snored softly as the images on the screen changed from adverts for gambling sites and washing powder to the opening credits of Naked Attraction.

The others trickled into the room, exchanging quiet greetings so as not to disturb the sleeping woman. It took a while for anyone to notice what was playing out on screen. But when they did, it became the only topic of conversation.

On the television, a short, cheerful girl with a shock of red hair and a smattering of freckles across her nose was scrutinising a line-up of men. A line-up of the _lower halves_ of men to be precise, their top halves being currently obscured by a coloured screen.

Seven curious faces regarded the screen, while Amelia averted her eyes in horror. Kitty explained the premise of the show quietly to the others. The woman was choosing one of the men to date, based purely on his “physical attributes.”

“Personally I’d choose number three,” she said. “Nice girth.”

“Looks a bit limp though,” Lucy wrinkled her nose and Kitty laughed.

“I can assure you I could rectify that quite easily,” she said.

“Anyone but number five,” Charlotte said, regarding the member in question with a kind of grim fascination. “Reminds me of Lord Repton…how do you think it got like that?”

“Accident with a household appliance?” Fanny, who worked as a nurse at the local hospital, suggested and then laughed at the array of horrified faces that greeted her remark. “Trust me, you see it a lot.”

“Men are vile!” Amelia complained. She had now buried her face entirely in Violet’s chest (so as not to accidentally catch a glimpse of the screen, you understand, and not for any more nefarious reasons).

There was a brief chorus of agreement, and then the screen was blocked from view as Fanny brought her face up close to it to check the men for signs of disease.

“I wouldn’t touch number four with a bargepole,” she eventually decided. “The rest are fair game, even the wonky one.”

Nancy, meanwhile, had cocked her head to one side and was studying the screen as if it were an exhibit in a particularly repulsive museum. Finally she looked away and announced that number two looked easiest to humiliate.

“I don’t think that’s the point…” Lucy began, before remembering who she was talking to. And really, anyone who waxed their balls deserved to be humiliated.

On the screen, the girl had decided that 2021’s answer to Lord Repton was too wonky for her taste, and the viewers cheered as he was eliminated. In their excitement, they had forgotten the sleeping Mrs Scanwell, who woke with a start, demanding to know what they were all so excited about.

A lot of nervous glances and a frantic search for the television remote ensued, as Amelia told her mother that they were “just trying to decide what to watch, I think Songs of Praise might be on BBC Two?”

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Florence said, digging the remote out from where it had slipped beneath the cushion of the chair and throwing it towards her daughter. “Put it on Channel 4, it must be nearly time for that delightful dating show they have. You know the one with the men in the boxes?”


End file.
